unconditionally do

many of us want to be successful. we want to make an impact. we want a happy life. 

and every day, to achieve our wants we have more wants.

but have you ever thought of not wanting anything?

huh?

i might sound dumb, as humans constantly want something. 

but i think we shouldn’t always want something. no matter how successful you want to be.

a couple months ago in the shower, i thought about most people’s relationship with god as i was evaluating my own (lowkey a weird place to think about it ngl). the amount of requests god gets is ridiculous. god is like a black box that people request and feel safe with.

but how many people think about how god is doing? how god feels about the world? 

despite this, god only gives. with no expectations.

it seems childish, but at the other end there is some spiritual energy. and i think if we expect that from another entity, we should do the same. and similar to what we expect from higher beings, humans should unconditionally love and do. we all have this ability to unconditionally be there for humans.

this also isn’t to say that you need to always be selfless. a human is inherently selfish with goals, dreams, and happiness. and it makes sense. and its okay. part of life is meant to fulfill one’s dream.

and you can be a good person while being selfish. no one has to always be selfless.

i personally think there is a misconception that good people aren’t selfish. a classic paradox is that if a person enjoys helping other people and making an impact, is that true selflessness or is that person being selfish by doing what makes them feel good and aligns with their life?

i talked about this a little last post, but i’ve seen unconditionally doing things lead to the most unexpected things. (i’ll prob yap about personal relationships another time)

my freshman year, i entered with 0 research experience. at georgia tech, there is a vertically integrated projects program, which is kind of like “mini research.” so i joined my second semester, got accepted into a vip, and entered the meeting thinking i was gonna doing some insane ml stuff.

nah. i end up being assigned full stack dev work (which i didn’t really know at the time too well) even though i made it extremely clear i wanted to do research. he kept saying i had to do the dirty work necessary for the lab and save the exciting things the next semester.

so i’m like fuck, i don’t get to create models. not even fine tuning hyperparameters or creating graphs. what do i really gain? should i just join another research lab? should i half ass the work?

fast forward, i ended up staying in the lab for five semesters. my time at the lab involved mentoring and leading a team of other student researchers. 

that first semester in the lab, i learned react, azure, flask, and python in 2 months. and in addition, i would take up any additional work that was needed for the lab. all of the work i did my first semester was not related to ml research. and even when i was doing research, i would still take any work the lab needed. all of this done with no other intent other than doing great work.

this past december, i ran into the phd student i worked with while grabbing dinner. we’re sharing updates in our lives and future plans. i mention that i halted research to focus on building. then mid conversation drops this,

“you were one of the best students ever in the lab. and i was proud of the work you did and how much you helped research in any capacity. if you ever want to do a phd, let me know and we’ll figure it out.”

wtf. as he said that internally i was in shock. i hadn’t even mentioned doing a phd. yet here was an open offer. 

no one in their right mind ever expects to get that out of the opportunity. and i genuinely still don’t know what to think of it.

what i do know is unconditionally doing things with genuine, authentic intent is super powerful. and don’t get me wrong, i’ve gotten fucked by being unconditional with people, unpaid internships, and being taken advantage of.

i could keep getting fucked, but i’ll always unconditionally love and do what i can. there’s a world where you can pursue your own ambitions and be unconditional. it’s possible through direct communication, drawing boundaries, and standing up for yourself. you can be selfless while being selfish y’all :)

a longer yap, but hopefully this helps in some way. subscribe for more yapping like this