it’s time to lock in

the past couple months have been crazy professionally and personally. i’ve been approached by quite a few investors for what i was building. i have a top secret offer at a new hedge fund. i’ve met the most amount of genuine people the past couple months.

but i’ve been locked out (for those of you unfamiliar it’s the opposite of locking in)

i think the inherent issue is i’ve let praise and other’s gratitude corrupt my mind. i’ve spent this year helping quite a few people professionally and personally, which has resulted in a lot of positive conversations. and people (or at least the people you should be surrounding yourself with) are extremely positive and supportive which can translate to overpraise. i’m not saying the praise and gratitude is not genuine; it’s just that it’s with minimal context.

no one knows your journey better than you.

people tend to hear and celebrate your successes.

people don’t know and can’t fully feel your failures.

it’s kind of weird it got to my head because i’m the last one to usually celebrate my victories and accomplishments. throughout college, i never celebrated the typical things people celebrate. first internship. interning at big tech. getting accepted in journals and conferences. i would always say job not finished.

maybe it’s cause im about to graduate. maybe it’s the excitement of seeing the delayed results from the past 4 years. but i can’t let anything get to my head otherwise i don’t reach my full potential and i become defined by other people.

regardless its time for me to lock in. for most people it isn’t deep but i’m actually scared to lock in. and it’s because my life changes.

i become so deeply obsessed with my work that i have to force myself to eat and sleep. i stop thinking about people as much. i even stop being the person some of y’all know me to be. there was a point i would call my family once every 2 weeks even though they were part of the reason i hustle the way i do. instead, i become lost in a world focused on solving problem after problem. just relentless execution.

and at the end of the day i don’t know if there’s any way around it. i’ve grappled with how i should deal with it. is complete balance possible? can i really execute at the maximum level without getting lost in my own world? how do i balance what i need to do with caring for other people?

but then i think of any successful person in any field. each and every one of them were obsessed and delusional. the best i can do (or at least i think) is ensuring i have a system to be present in the lives of the people i care about and be a healthy person.

i write this to show that at the end of the day we are humans. status. titles. praise. it inevitably does affect how we function and work no matter how humble a human is. the best thing we can do as humans is be brutally honest with ourselves and ensure that our daily actions are done with pure, genuine intent.

we’ll see what happens the next couple months. ill be in nyc during the summer so if you’re there text me at 9256609312. it gonna be a lit summer and i’ll keep yapping at least every month. appreciate you reading 🫡